Lately in our home my heart has been desiring openness. It might be because Spring is officially here in California, or let's be honest, at 85 degree temps, it might be safe to say summer is inching it's way in and cutting Spring's glory short. Anyhow, spring cleaning has taken place. Moved furniture around, sold furniture and made piles of boxes filled with stuff that has accumulated over the years that I am just now getting to go through and give them a new home. It feels so refreshing and to finally have the energy to physically do this- glory to God! If only I didn't have a teeny tendency to hoard all the things, we might really be living a minimalist lifestyle. But I am working on it, so that counts, too. Right?
But back to where this cleaning out has brought me; I have come to realize other benefits that come with it. Sort of like when you do a whole body cleanse. I've never done a colonic but I have done a whole17 (I tried) and have even done a juice cleanse. But what I noticed when doing the cleanse was I felt lighter. I was able to think clearer and felt energized and even more at peace if that makes any sense. Well, the same effect is happening over here in our home. I no longer have to look past all the stuff crowding the walkways. Or the huge brown couch that took up the entire living room that we spent a fortune on and trekked with us to 4 different homes over the past 5 years- including when we moved across the country. Now, I am actually now able to see what is important. I am able to think clearer and breathe because almost everything has it's own place now. I'm not moving one thing from one counter to the next in hopes of one day having an ah-ha moment of "this is where it goes!" no. It goes in a box and then to Goodwill because you haven't used it once in a year. Maybe three. Pathetic, I know. It's something I'm working on and my husband has shown so much grace towards me in this department. Wonderful man he is.
I digress. Along with breathing deeper and truly finding so much more joy in my days, I'm noticing how quickly the kids are growing. Oh my goodness- how much that truly breaks my heart. I have shed too many tears over these last few weeks with these new found revelations- ha - and my husband gives me the same look of sympathy every time and laughs at me. I know deep down, deeeeeep deep down, he shares my grief.
I have looked into how I could possibly slow the process of them growing with no such luck. I have come to terms that I can only enjoy the time I am given with them. And what a blessing to be able to watch them grow up every single day! I don't take this gift for granted.
Or do I?
Lately I have noticed I have a stronger pull to social media. Not setting my phone down when my oldest has drawn a picture for me and is beaming with pride and accomplishment waiting to show me. It irks me to think about it now and actually makes my heart physically hurt and tears well up. Or when I look up from my phone to catch the end of all four littles playing and laughing together to come to the truth that they have been playing like that for the last 20 minutes! TWENTY MINUTES. Where did my time go? What was so worth scrolling on my phone to have missed those moments that are helping build a lifetime bond. I wish I could say this didn't happen for more than a few occasions. For this reason, I am deciding to step away from all of social media to focus on the beauty that I see right before me. This hasn't been an easy decision, because I so love documenting our life and sharing it with family and friends who may not get to see our family very often. But I have to do what is best for my family and myself. This is what is best. I'm not saying I will never return to social media, but I do know that this is a step that has been heavy on my heart for the past few weeks. I will continue to write here and document our days and anything that I feel is on my heart. A creative outlet of sorts- but with intention. I'm excited to be reminded of how beautiful my life is right in front of me. Sans phone.