ramblings

It has been beautiful in southern california these past few days. I take back all the nasty things I said about you. Even though your freeways are overcrowded and often times, strangers are just straight rude. But you sure know how to warm up right when we all start to get a little tired of the 60 degree temps. 

I am in awe of how quickly life changes. Seasons in life...Last year around this time, I was tirelessly drinking my third cup of coffee while planning the boys’ first birthday party. I would throw myself a pity party often thinking to myself and out loud “when is it going to get easier? When are they going to learn that sleep is goooood? Why is Grayson always crying? Why do they eat so much?” 

Now? Now, I sit outside and listen to the birds chirping and appreciating our backyard that I seemed to have missed or overlooked the past two years. There is a Jasmine plant that I am assuming is from the neighboring yard, but is climbing over the fence onto our trees. What a blessing.

I get to catch up on blogs that I used to read two years ago. The boys are napping and Bailey is getting dressed so she can blow bubbles (or dump bubbles, whichever comes first). I get to read books that I have bought over the course of the past two years but haven’t had the time to finish any of them. Life is good. This stage is good. It hurts my heart a little that we aren’t planning on having any more babies. Actually, we are planning on not having any more. There is a difference I think. It makes me sad. But then to think of the possibilities that we have ahead of us makes me happy, too.

We were able to go to the san diego zoo and the beach over spring break. A year ago? You couldn’t pay me to attempt that on my own. It was so liberating. It wasn’t easy by any means, but we all had so much fun. I am looking forward to doing more of that.  And photography and writing. Not sure it's going to go anywhere, or even if I want it to go anywhere...but I enjoy looking back at what was going on and where my mind and heart was at that point in time. 

side note, I am listening to tom petty on Pandora as I type, and Brown-eyed-girl came on. I instantly was transported to sitting in the car with my dad with the hot sun burning my skin, maybe when I was about 15 or 16 years old and I can literally hear him singing that song to me like he used to. I haven’t had that vivid of memory in…i don’t even know. Makes me smile as a few tears are falling, too. miss him.